Maybe I hate you less and love you a little more
by Shy Mittens
Summary: Devi's trying to start a new life without Nny. When she runs into him, however, she starts to fall in love with him again, even though she doesn't want to. She just can't help herself. Written all in Devi's POV
1. Running into you by mistake

It was raining. The tiny droplets of rain hit hard like small, tiny daggers. What a time for me to walk home from work! It was so sunny a minute ago! Damn weather forecast. At least I brought an overcoat with me. Not like that helped any. I sighed and kept on walking. My apartment's only about a block away, anyhow. I can make it. Right? I got so caught up in my thoughts and anger trowds the clearly inaccurate weather forecast, that I bumped into someone.

"Oh, sorry, I wasn't paying attenti-" I turned around to look at the person I hit. They wore a long, black jacket and had hair that was all too fimiliar. Right then, I forze when I relised who it was. It was... _him _The guy that told me he loved me, then pulled out knives to try and _kill _me.

Oh shit. It's Nny.

He turned to look at me and said, "Devi...?" I felt a sting of fear hit into me like a car.

Oh shit. He saw me.

Before I could form any words that were decent, I turned back around and ran.

I don't even know how long or how far I ran until I finaly got to the front of the apartment building. I put my hands on my knees and started gasping for air. I _was_ never fond of running.

"Oh damn... That was close..." I whispered, the words escaping from my mouth. _'I hope I lost him_,' I thought, _'Though, if he does find out where I live, I can always just kick his ass again._' I slowly took out my keys, walked into the apartment building, and took the elevator to the third floor. I was so worn out from running for my life, I didn't feel like walking up three flights of stairs.

_Ding! _

The elevator opened up, and I walked out onto the third floor. I then continued to walk down the hall to get to my room. I put the key in the lock and turned it.

_Click! _

I took the key out, opened up the door, closed it behind me, and locked it again. I leaned against it, and sighed. Right now I just want to fall onto the floor and fall asleep for five years. Can't do that, though. I have to work tomorrow. I mean, I need to pay rent somehow. Not like it's worth it for this tiny, cramped, disgusting apartment, but at least it's pretty far away from _that _psychopath. Well... I actually kinda miss Johnny... he was basicly the only guy that I've met that I felt a lot for. But at the same time, he tried to kill me. So, I guess I _should _hate him.

He'll find someone else, I'm sure of it.

I looked down at my feet, only to see a tiny puddle of water forming.

"Oh shit!" I said, in sort of a whisper, while lifting up a leg. I quickly walked across the room to my bedroom. I had to get re-dressed all over because of the damned rain, soaking me head to toe in freezing cold tiny rain-daggers. I even had to take out the pig-tail holders that i had in my now dark purple hair, that is now also dripping from those tiny rain-daggers.

I put all of my wet clothes in a pile and put my shoes on a couple of paper towels. I got dressed in a plain pair of gray sweat pants, a purple t-shirt, and some white socks.

I ploped down on the couch in my living room/kitchen/dining room, and sarted thinking of... Nny. Maybe I _do _miss him. Or maybe I'm just an idiot for falling in love with the wrong person. I don't know, but what I do know is...

I miss you, Nny.

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><p><em>Humming Witch ~: Well, I hope you all enjoyed the first chapter! But, if you're wondering some things, well, I've read a bit of I feel Sick (comic all 'bout Devi) and this fanfiction isn't really based around it that much. That's why Devi lives somewhere else, and her friend is not included in this. But you will see Squee soon. I'm not sure when I'll end this, but, there'll probably be a lot more chapters after this one. ^^<em>


	2. Killing for your love

I felt a pain in my neck and woke up. I looked around and remembered that I fell asleep on the couch last night. I slowly sat up and started rubbing the back of my neck. "damn...," I mumbled under my breath. I looked at the clock on the other wall. 5:30 a.m. At least I still have a few hours before work. I got dressed how I usually do - black long-sleve shit, dark purple pants, different boots from yesterday. I also put my hair back up in pigtails. I grabbed my wallet and put it in my front pant's poket. I went on the computer and found out the weather forcast for today. Sunny? Yeah right. It's probably gonna rain daggers again today. I'll take my jacket and umbrella just in case, I guess. 6:30 a.m. still have a while before work, but I better leave now. I grabed my jacket and umbrella, and un-locked the door to go out into the hall. I steped out from my apartment room and locked the door behind me, and started to walk towards the elevator. I sighed and pressed the 1st floor button. I _really_ don't want to go to work today and run into _him_, but I have to. And I hate that place, too. It's a clothing store. All those women, worring about who gets what. Fighting each other for a shirt. Honestly! Just go make one or buy something else! And when they complain about the prices - maybe they should just shut the hell up. If it's too expensive, there's something called "putting it back and looking for something just as good." Don't come running to me, then yelling at me! I didn't mark the price! Jeez. At least i get paid today.

_Ding~!_

The elevator finaly opened. I walked inside, then waited to get to the first floor. The elevator opened up again. I walked over to the mail-boxes to see if I got anything. I un-locked it and looked. Nothing. Oh well. Not like I was expecting something - I hardly talk to anyone. I slamed it shut and locked it. I started to walk to work. I wonder what kind of fights will happen today. I sigh again and walk outside. The sun shimmered it's bright rays and I felt it hit my skin instantly. Yeah. It's definetly going to rain daggers again.

A while later, I finaly got to the front of the clothing store. I hate this place. So. Much. But this was the only place I could work that wasn't close to Nny. I opened the glass doors and went inside. I sat down behind the counter and draped my coat over the chair and leaned the umbrella against the back of the counter. No one was here yet. I found a magizne, so I started reading it. _'Superstar has baby and names it after her ex-husband's mother! Learn 50 ways to please a man by getting bigger boobs! Get these pills that'll make you shit so much you'll be super skinny!' _Jeez, people read this shit? Who cares about any of this, anyway? I threw the magizne where it belongs - the trash - and waited for someone to come into the store. Finaly, some lady did. She bought some clothes and didn't complain. "Have a good day," she said. Tch, yeah right! "Thank you. Have a good way as well," "thank you," and with that, she left, making the store completely empty again. I guess everyone's busy at home. Oh well. All I know is, this'll be an easy day today.

A few hours later, more people came in and bought stuff. I saw another fight, this time over a scarf. Wow. And this lady complaining to me that she bought something that was ripped. Not like I come in the store every night with hedge-clippers and cut the clothing. I mean, that rip was HUGE! Is she sure she didn't rip it when she tryed to put it on with those fake boobs? They look like someone stuffed 50 bowling balls down her shirt! I'm surprised she hasn't suffocated under them while she was sleeping! Like that's gonna please men - but it does, and that's the sad reality. No one cares about personality anymore. All men really want is huge boobs, and a lady with a "nice figure". They don't care about personalities - all they think about most of the time is sex, sex, sex! They can all go to hell. And so can this lady. "I paid $50 for this and it's ripped!"

"Sorry, but you should have noticed a rip THAT BIG when you went to go buy the shirt. We don't do refunds unless you have the receipt."

"Go to hell, bitch!"

"Whoa, that's some vocabulary you've got there, slut. Hey, I didn't give you that shirt because I knew it was ripped. I was just trying to do my job. So why don't you either shut the fuck up and get out, or you buy something else. Or, hey, here's a good idea! Why don't you go and complain to one of your fellow whores? What's the worst you're gonna do to me, huh? Kill me with that abnormal thing you call a chest?"

"You're so rude! I paid good money for a chest like this. At least i _have_ some, you're so flat chested you look like a man. Plus, you don't have to yell at me, when I didn't do anything to you, bitch!"

"Be nice to me, I'll be nice to you. Instead of yelling at me for no reason, maybe, you could talk to me like a normal human. Now get out of this store, before I make you. I don't care if I get fired, it's people like you who really piss me off," I didn't notice everyone but _her_ left. It is soon to closing time. I stood up. I felt a pain shoot through my face as that whore hit me. I grabbed at my face. Damn, that hurt for someone like her! Guess she leared how to fight, for who knows what reason. I looked away from her and tryed to stand the pain for a while. She _was_ wearing a butt-load of rings on that hand, too. They'll probably leave marks, _if_ she hit me hard enough. When I looked up she had blood coming out from her mouth, and a clearly visable knife through her stomach. Oh shit. I'm probably going to die as well. But then I heard someone say, "You ugly thing of a human. You don't deserve to even look at someone such as Devi. People like you should die." and I knew just who it was... Johnny...? My eyes widened and it felt as though my feet were glued to the floor. The knife came out of the lady's stomach and she fell over. I saw him. His hands covered in blood, a knife at his hand. "Ah, sorry," he said, in a voice i haven't heard say that much in a long while, "I was walking around here and saw you through the window. I haven't seen you in forever, Devi... Are you alright?" I was so shocked. He wasn't trying to kill me. Or is he messing with me? "I-I-I-I'm f-f-fine..." I tried not to studder, but I can't help it. Not when I'm like this. He walked closer to me, and dropped the knife at his feet. He used the ripped shirt to wipe the blood off his hands, and he hugged me tightly. He's not warm or anything, in fact he's pretty cold, but to be with him, like this again, makes me... happy... In a strange, strange way.

Well. The dead body on the floor probably means I'm gonna get fired.


	3. Walking home

Nny x Devi chapter 3

I looked up at Nny. Oh, that's right. He killed the lady that hit me. We've been hugging for about an hour. I forgot.

"Nny...," I said, hiding my face in his chest, "...Are you going to kill me?" a few minutes passed before he said, "Why would I do that to the one who I love more than life itself?" I don't know why, but I felt my face heat up and a red started showing up on my cheeks.

"Because you tried to kill me last time,"

"And you beat the shit outta me,"

I was a little shocked at what he said, but, he tried to kill me! I had to defend myself somehow.

"I...I'm sorry..." I tried to hide my face even more, but that's impossible because Nny is as skinny as a twig.

"It's ok... It's my fault for trying to kill you."

"..."

I stayed silent for a while longer, until he said,

"Want me to walk you home?"

"...Sure... That'd be nice,"

I broke free of the hug and gently grabbed his hand.

"So... Where do you live?"

I laughed a little bit.

"Oh, sorry, Nny, I moved from my old place... I forgot that I didn't tell you... Sorry again."

"It's ok," he said with a smile, "but you don't have to always be sorry,"

I smiled slightly, and squeezed his hand.

We walked outside of the store like nothing happened. The dead lady was kinda just there, now. I'm probably gonna go to hell for watching it, but at least Nny will go with me. We walked down the sidewalk towards the apartment building. We talked and laughed how we used to, and I felt... Happiness. I almost forgot what this felt like. Almost forgot the happiness Nny used to bring me, before he did all that... But I feel strange as to why I forgave him. Most girls would probably hide forever or get a restraining order. But somehow I feel like it wasn't the real Nny that tried to kill me. Was it someone else? I don't know. I kind of don't wanna know, but part of me does. I'll just forget about it for now.

About half way, Nny stopped and looked at the school building that I pass everyday.

"...What's wrong, Nny?" I asked.

"Oh nothing," he said, "it's just that I know a kid that goes to this school. His name's Squee... He's really my only... Friend."

"Oh... I see. Want to wait for him or something?"

"Sure."

We sat on a bench that was near the school, and waited for about a half hour until the bell rang and children started to run out of the building. Nny got up, and walked towards one of the children. I folllowed.

"Hey Squee!"

The kid looked a little frightened but then was calm again.

"H-hello Nny... Why're you here? I usually only see you through the window..."

"...Through the window...?" I said, a little confused of course.

"Oh, yes. The first time I meet Squee is when I...Entered his house for stuff, and I left through the window. We became friends after that...That's all you really need to know for now." He said, a little chuckle in his voice.

"Oh, ok... I see..."

"Um... H-hi there, . Are you the lady Nny told me about?"

"Hmm?"

"Oh, yes. Since Squee here is one of the only humans that I can talk to without having a moron-filled conversation, I've told him about you... Good things..."

I looked at Nny and blushed. Damn it, body! Stop feeling this way! Why the hell didn't you run away from him when you could? Too late, now! But I don't wanna leave! But...But...

While I was in sort of a deep thought about this stuff, Squee held up a piece of... Stuffing from a stuffed animal of some sort?

"This is Shmee," Squee said, holding it up in the air, "I can't bring him to school or the kids will punch my head, so I bring some of his stuffing. He says Hello."

Oh, how adorable... I usually pay no attention to little kids, but Squee seems different...

"Uhm... H-hello, Shmee." I smiled.

"Well, we've got to get going, Squee. See you tomorrow." Nny said, waving at the kid.

"Good bye...," The kid said, turning around and walking the oppisite direction.

Nny and I started walking once again. Talking, laughing, felling the strange feeling that is,... Happiness.


	4. Maybe this day isn't that horrible

Hey guys~ I really did want to get this chapter up earlier, but, some stuff was going on and I also kinda forgot... :I It was on my DA a little longer... So...yeah. But, anyway, I really hope you like it! :)

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><p>We got to my apartment as soon as it started to drizzle rain. We walked up to the door and I got my keys out. I unlocked it, and we walked inside.<p>

"My apartment isn't on the first floor, but last time I used the stairs some guys asked for drugs and beer so I don't go that way anymore." I pressed the up button on the wall and sighed as the idiots that live below me threw their door off the hindges again.

"... The fuck?" Nny said.

"Oh, they always do that when they get high or drunk. Just ignore it, and they'll go away."

"MAN, WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY PRETZELS! I NEED THEM! OR I THINK I MIGHT GROW A BABY IN MY DICK! A BABY! DUUUUDE."

"HAHAHA, MAN, THE DOOR IS BROKEN AGAIN, WE'RE GONNA GET KICKED OUTTTTTT."

"NO, MAN, H-HOLD ON, LETS JUST... UH... DRUGGGSSSBEEERRBOOOOBS."

.The elevator door opened and we walked inside it. Damn, I hate those idiots.

We didn't say anything for the whole time we were on it. We just stood and stared at the door. We reached the floor that I live on. It's slightly cleaner than the rest, but it's not like all the idiots live below me. There's a bunch up here too. The elevator door opened and I walked down the hall I always do, got out my keys again, and unlocked the door.

"Nny, you haven't really said anything. You ok?" I asked, tilting my head back to look at him.

"Yeah, I'm fine. It's just those idiots really are asking to die. Weather they get in a fight with someone or the drugs finally do something to them. Either way, I know there gonna die soon."

"..Mmm. I see. I'm actually surpirised they hadn't died right away, too. I kinda just try not to think about them, that's all..."

I opened up the door and let Nny sit on a chair in the dinning room area. I went into the kitchen.

"Nny... Want any coffee or tea?"

"No thanks."

I put the kettle on and poured some instant coffee into a cup along with some sugar and cream. When it whisled I took it off the burner, and poured it into the cup. I put the kettle back on the stove, but turned the heat off and stired the coffee around a bit with a spoon. I put the spoon on the counter afterwards and went to go sit down across from Nny at the table.

"So... How's your life been?" I spipped a bit of my drink with both my hands on it, then Set it down on the table.

"To tell you the truth, Devi, it wasn't as great as it had been with it was with you. But, I supose it's still ok, minus the idiotic fools that I'm forced to deal with everyday. How has yours been?"

"...It's been... Ok..."

My heart skipped a beat when he said that... So I made his life better? How? I fuckin smashed his head in a mirror.

I couldn't look at Nny and I looked down into my coffee instead. He started to whistle a bit and other than that the only noise was from the clock's steady ticking.

I went to drink some more, but accidently spit out a mouthful of it when someone knocked on the door, breaking the silence and obviously startiling me.

"DAMN IT! Sorry.." I got up and opened up the door. It was my bitchy next-door neighbor.

"What the hell do you want May? I told you I don't want to buy any of your damn beauity shit, leave me alone."

"No! I'm not here for that! I'm here to ask if you have any brown sugar."

"Why can't you use regular sugar?"

"Because I'm making apple muffins and I _need_ brown sugar!"

"Jeez, go buy some yourself! You don't need to be taking my sugar!"

"I haven't seen _you_ bake anything lately!"

"Oh, so you look through my windows?"

"No! It's just... Arghh! You fustrate me so much! I hate being your neighbor, you never have anything I need!"

"Oh, I'm so sorry that I'm not a living, walking dollar store or whatever."

"Well, you know you should be more-"

I couldn't stand her anymore so I shut the door in her make-up soaked face, and locked it, still able to hear her shouts of anger through the thin cracks in the door. Damn-it, this day is just so messed up.

"Hey," I heard Nny say behind me, still at the table, "Wanna go back to the hill?"

"The... Hill...? Where we'd go lots of times before?"

"Yeah."  
>I smiled, though Nny couldn't see it.<p>

"Sure, then. Let's go." I said. Maybe today won't be so bad, after all.

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><p>Sooo, how was it? Sorry, it is pretty short... Yeah... When you get high on drugs you think you'll give birth to stuff from your dick, and that kids is why drugs are bad. Sorry I make no sense. Buuut, anyway, my friend ImDifferentSoWhat on DA (And I'm pretty sure she has a account with the same name) gave me the idea for Nny and Devi to go back to that hill. That they would go to befor. Yeah. I had really bad writers block. XP But she helped, so it's ok! :D<p> 


	5. The Hill

**I'm so sorry I haven't uploaded this in FOREVER! D: And I know this chapter is really really short - but there is more to come! Promise! Oh, and the idea for them going back to the hill is alll ImDiffrentSoWhat's idea. She also has some really good fanfics you should check them out! I hope you all enjoy this chapter! ;A;**

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><p>I drove us to our little hill in the small sad excuse I would call a car. He laid on the hood of the car, I sat on the roof of it. This is just like old times, huh?<p>

Nny let out a small chuckle.

"This place hasn't changed much."

"Yeah, it hasn't."

"..."

We sorta just sat there, in silence, not doing or saying much of anything.

"What do you think about life, Nny..?" Where did that question come from?

"Life? Ha. I've been to Heaven and Hell, still no knowledge if it really does exsist. If life wanted me to die so bad it would have done it more than once. But the fact is I already died, so am I still dead? But what ever. I think life is stupid and meaningless, but at the same time I also like it. Those who are bastards shouldn't live, don't you agree? They make the world wallow in it's filth. It'd be a much better place without them. Life is _fucked _up."

I took a few minutes to let his words soak in.

"Wow," I said, looking up at the multi-colored sky for a bit, "You're... right."

He looked at me and smiled.

"I suppose."

We then continued to sit on the car, watching the sun set. For the first time in my life, I'm not afraid, I'm not scared, I'm not bored, but I think I'm actually... happy? Yeah. I'm totally happy right now.

I smile a bit to myself and check the time.

"Wow, it's late,"

"Yup. It sure is."

"Well, I got to get going, I have work tomorrow.."

"Oh... Well," He slid off of the car, "I understand. A person's gotta work. Well, I'll walk home ,you don't need to drop me off."

"A-are you sure? It's dark out..." I hopped off of the car as well.

"Yeah, don't worry I'll be fine." He walked over to me and held my hand. I blushed. His hand was freezing, but at the same time warm. Does that make sense? Probably not. I turned my body to face him. I looked into his eyes trying to find something - but they're so hard to read. I leaned my face in a little closer. So did he.

We pecked each other's lips and quickly backed away from one another. Nny looked away from me and I blushed looking at my feet.

If that wasn't akward I don't know what is.

Out of nowhere, he hugs me. He looks at me then smiles.

"See you later," He says, walking away with a wave.

"See ya." I wave a bit back then get into my sad little piece of junk. I smile to myself. Damn brain I hate you.


	6. Damn

Sometimes, I wonder why I fell for Nny. Then I remember, I fell for him because I truly love him, as messed up our love may be. I wonder maybe life could get better and the fear would be gone if I were with him, but, then again... What if he kills me in my sleep? Would he do that? I don't know. God, I hope not. He might.

There goes my paranoia again.

Damn.

I laid in bed. It's 2 a.m. in the morning. I can't sleep, my brain is racing with thoughts. Kissing Nny was awkward, but when I'm with him I don't really need a physical relationship. It was great before. Why can't it be great now? Because of me. Me and my mind. My paranoid, messed up little cavern of a mind. Maybe I did something to make him want to kill me? Was it something I said? What the hell would provoke him to get knives though? Maybe leaning in for that kiss is what pushed it. I don't know. Maybe... Maybe I could give it another chance. And, well, if this goes wrong I could always smash his face in a mirror again, granted I have one at the time.

Is he doing anything right now? Maybe he's thinking about me.

_Yeah, right._

You know what? I'm gonna call off work today. Wait for Nny there, he might walk by. We could hang out. He knows my work times. I smiled a bit, despite my brain telling me not to. Today's going to be a good day - heck, a great day. Fuck it, world, I'm done being afraid. Damn-it, Johnny, if only you knew what you do to me and my messed up little mind._ I love you._

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><p><strong>AN: ;3; Hey there, all. I'm sorry this took forever to upload, but I promised I would and I did. I'm so sorry though ;_; And sorry it's short. Yes, this will be the last chapter. This is the first fanfic I ever wrote (well, the first fanfic idea I had and actually wrote), and I can see so much improvement from them to now. Thank you so much for reading, you guys are the best. ;w; You give me the fuel I need to continue writing. Have a wonderful day!**


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